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#1 2005-02-07 21:29:31
Help
As we have discussed a tad. I am working on a story about a lifeguard. However, I am having a bit of trouble keeping the theme I have set up. Here is the first paragraph, there are a few more but I find it hard to continue after describing the tower and etc...
Why? Because I must make sure the lifeguard never seems to be helping the children since they have conquered his domain, but I also must make sure he is doing his job wich brings a little paradox. How can he say lives if he can't save the children.
A few ideas I have had are:
He helps old ladies
He screams at childrens like the UN screams at the states (without any effect)
He saves a baby
The storyline will be kept secret but I need a few more settling paragraphs and a few more events to make the plan complete, any imput would be great.
Remember, I must make it seem like he is being overun with kids (they will eventually retreat) but without really harming or etc...
Here is what I have 100% so far, I have written a few test paragraphs for the old lady, baby and one where he tells kids to stop splashing but they are not very good.
The kids and their young generals had once again invaded the changing room. Every weekday, they charged into this buffer zone like Nazis marching through Belgium. Spreading havoc like the Agent Orange, they planned to take over the chlorinated sea of Dorval. Small groups changed into the appropriate camouflage while chatting merrily. Slowly seeping out one by one under the command of their counsellors, the small squadrons relentlessly attacked the pool. Horrors of war, I had witnessed too many, but none could compare to the one I witnessed today.
I had been stationed at the tower facing the most horrendous sight. The children were jumping off boards. Some exploded like bombs as they hit the waters. Others were fleeing their planes with the use of ejection seats. Most managed to land safely, the unlucky ones suffering from parachute failure plunged into the abyss screaming. These cases, more often than not, needed to be rushed back to the infirmary. If there was one thing to say about this army, it did not support physical pain.
Thank you,
I will thank all of the people who submitted ideas that I take when I put this on Fiction Press.
Last edited by Duke (2005-02-07 21:30:06)
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#2 2005-02-07 21:42:19
- Fox in the Box
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- From: Litchfield Park, Arizona
- Registered: 2003-11-26
- Website
Re: Help
Try having a child run and slip on the concrete, falling and breaking his nose. You hastily climb down from your tower to administer immediate medical attention. I am sure you could add lots of war-like descriptors about blood gushing from his nose, the clean-up and whatnot.
gluegun desperado
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#3 2005-02-07 21:44:21
- wait. wat?
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- From: what
- Registered: 2003-10-28
- Website
Re: Help
Yeah but that's where the lie in ambush! You are not a stupid lifeguard. Let them bleed on the pavement.
I AM BATMAN
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#4 2005-02-07 21:45:23
Re: Help
But why would he help the conquerors of his pool? This is my dilema. Was the child really a spy working with him or was he a non daycamp child, one of the wild children?
(wait.wat? understood quite well)
Last edited by Duke (2005-02-07 21:46:00)
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#5 2005-02-07 21:50:09
- wait. wat?
- Member
- From: what
- Registered: 2003-10-28
- Website
Re: Help
You must have some allies don't you have any allies at least?
I AM BATMAN
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#6 2005-02-07 22:15:16
- Fox in the Box
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- From: Litchfield Park, Arizona
- Registered: 2003-11-26
- Website
Re: Help
The octagon room was where the "daycare" kids played until around noon, then they ate and went swimming. I drew a dinosaur and a slide because those symbolize playing and I remember I had a toy raptor I played with (and it was awesome).
The light-blue room is the showers, surrounded by the locker room and toilets. The pink question mark is the girls bathroom and I dunno what that looks like I never went in there!
The light green is the snackbar, and the boxes are storage. Next to the bathrooms is the main entrance into the pool. You can see a small kiddy pool (it was gross and tasted salty) surrounded by a fence, and the normal big pool with the lifeguard tower. The diving boards are more to the right, on the other side of the "L" shaped pool from the lifeguard tower.
You could have some vendine machine/storage room being broke into, and it's up to you and the other pool staff to "interrogate" the daycare kids to find out who did it (one of them did it fyi so its not a wild goosechase).
Besides the daycare kids, who's ages ranged from 8 to 12, there are the locals. Kids who just live in the neighborhood can swim for free, but otherwise it costs money to get in. The daycare program is headed by the pool program.
Anyhow I hope this background information helps at all! Maybe the "enemies" could be the kids who pay to get in because they dont live in Litchfield Park, and thus cannot get into the Litchfield Park Community Pool for free.
gluegun desperado
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#7 2005-02-07 22:26:15
Re: Help
Actually, this is how I've set it up just now.
There are four factions, but so far only three need to be introduced.
First, we have the conquerors. These are children that come to the pool with their daycamp and cause havoc. The lifeguards do not like these kids. The daycamp monitors (i don't know if this term means the same thing in english as in french) just lead the kids from place to place, not very important.
Then, we have the outsiders. These are the kids who came to the pool with their parents, or by themselves. They basicly like native americans, they get picked on by the conquerors. However, when the conquerors need help attacking their consellors, the natives like to help. The lifeguards and outsiders have a neutral relationship.
The most important group are the lifeguards. These men and women are at a special type of war with the daycamp children. However, they must not harm these children, but make sure they can prevent the most havoc these children cause.
So they lifeguards do have allies in a sense.
Anyways, I do not want to give the story away so more info will be added when I get a bit further into the writting. Your ideas have already helped get my creativity going. Thank you.
(I got the idea for the outsiders from the first few posts)
Last edited by Duke (2005-02-07 22:26:36)
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